You’ll have to forgive me; it’s been a week so the details may be a little loose. But one thing’s clear: this day was insane.
I remember waking up with a girl whose name I didn’t remember. Regina maybe. I strolled downstairs to find Elel, Hildo, Orgöst, and Wen-Del already eating breakfast. I made my way to the bar and sampled some of Hildo’s fine bacon. Hildo was going on about our cloaks and that Yuan Ti blessing book the guys found in a safe they stole. All I was trying to do was avoid eye contact with Rebecca as she stumbled down the stairs wrapped in only a sheet. Or maybe it was Renee.
Anyway, Hildo, none-too-pleased with our flippant regard for the Yuan Ti blessing book and the fact that we left it out over night, carried on. I think I heard Hildo talking like a snake at some point, but between seeing Rachel out, trying to piece together memories of last night, and dozing off a couple of times, I could be wrong.
With Rosemary gone and the blessing complete, it was time to try out our new and improved robes. I donned mine and was instantly transformed into a muscle-bound humanoid with the head of a giant, handsome snake. Orgöst, Elel, and Wen-Del tried theirs on and were transformed into humanoids with scaly features, green eyes, and clawed fingers. I was strangely into Elel’s transformation.
That’s when Wilgold the guardsman, burst in the front door, yelling “trouble at the mines! Will you come!?” Adeptly spotting the perfect time to fuck with someone, I slowly turned my snake face towards him and hissed “yessssss.” Wilgold screamed and ran right back out.
We tried out our blessed cloaks again, but found that the trial period was over and innately understood that they’d only work in particular locations. We also understood that the cloaks would shield us from poison.
Upon reaching the entrance to the mines, we were greeted by hundreds of zombies and their putrid stench. The four of us immediately got to work slaying zombies. After lobbing an Eldritch Blast that laid 14 zombies to rest, I waded into the melee to sate my blade’s thirst for blood. My Hildo bacon-fueled rage shielded me from the pain of several zombie claws.
Once the zombies were dispatched, a huge red dragon and a ridiculously large contingent of yuan ti emerged from the entrance to the mines. The dragon tossed a sack full of children our way and told us to “bring ”/characters/sir-sir-valor" class=“wiki-content-link”>Valor or the hatchlings die." Having no qualms about possibly luring Sir Valor to his demise, I told the dragon we’d fetch him and be back.
And yes, he only gets one “Sir.”
Upon reaching Valor’s place, we’re greeted by two prick guards who don’t care about the fate of Catterick children. It’s at this point that we tried just about every trick we had to get into the building and talk to Valor. Orgöst used his Pipes of Haunting to frighten the guards, cast Darkness, then whispered something frightening into their ears. One guard fled, while the other we tied up. I then climbed up our Rope of Climbing to a window and spotted some of Valor’s adventuring partners. They too declined to help the innocents of Catterick. Interestingly, they also had a different story as to Valor’s whereabouts than the guards – the guards said he was busy in his office while his comrades said he was out of town. We’ll have to look into that… Then Valor’s wizard magically closed the window on my fingers.
Continuing with our litany of gimmicks, Elel created an illusory voice of Valor trying to convince the guard to help us. That didn’t work. By this time, we had garnered the attention of the rest of Valor’s guards, including a big-headed half-orc with a huge warhammer I’m calling Biff. Time to run…
We all hopped on Dirk, and Elel cast Vicious Mockery on Biff. The guards gave chase and we led them right to the mines, and more importantly, the dragon. Not happy that we didn’t have Valor, the dragon coughed up a fireball at Biff, leaving only two shins, two arms, and a spinning warhammer. “You have five days or the hatchlings will be sacrificed to the snake god” hissed the dragon.
After the dragon and his snake-like friends made their way back into the mines, Redger popped out and told us to go save the children and earn some serious praise from the town. Sounds good, Redger. Redger did not know Valor’s whereabouts either.
We made our way into the mines and threw on our cloaks, happy to find they worked in here. They even allowed us safe passage by some khaki-colored, living ooze. upon arriving at the magically-sealed door, we placed our three artifacts into the recesses around the perimeter to unlock it. Gas began pouring from the door, which luckily didn’t effect us due to our cloaks.
Time to see what’s behind the door. We walked through, and found ourselves in a desert, and behind us, just a door. Crazy.
After following the obvious passage of the dragon and a large group of yuan ti for a bit, we stumbled across some ruins and some destitute yuan ti outcasts. Elel flashed a scaly breast (the right one) at a few of them to brighten their spirits. And after giving them a gold coin and having some brief conversations with the yuan ti beggars, we learned a few things. First, the dragon’s name is Varzen the Great and he’s in the great temple within the city Thrysssen. Also, we learned that these destitute yuan ti (mostly comprised of the humanoid, scaly yuan ti, who are considered the lowest class) were banished from the city for speaking ill of Varzen. They we shunned after a revolt was started in response to the unfair punishment of the humanoid yuan ti.
The gentlesnake we spoke with turned out to be Sssaron, who started the revolt. While most of these yuan ti look alike to us, Sssaron has a distinguishing white spot on his face and is missing a few fingers. Sssaron used to be a guard an agreed to help us get to his former post within the city. Elel applied a masterful disguise to Sssaron to help him conceal his identity.
We also coined a yuan ti expression we’re hoping catches on, “don’t molt it.”
Upon arriving to Thrysssen, the guards asked our names. We lied that we are part of Varzen’s army and gave them false names. I’m now Sssam, Elel is Sssarah, Wen-Del is Sssylys, Orgöst is Ssstanley, and Sssaron is Sssorn. The guards bought it and we were able to get to Sssaron’s post, and into its cellar filled with armaments.
Half a day down, four and a half until the kids are killed.