Root Nerds

Chapter 16: The Death of a Barmaid

The group found out Sybel was murdered.

They found a dagger that said ‘Pizzonia’ on it and a book of matches from the Pizzonia bar and a pair of footprints in the mud.

The group told Redguard and he told them he was sure they could handle it better than his men, but had his men clean up and take official notes.

The group told the husband. He seemed upset but told them about her affair(s). The most current was with Baduman. She was a 10, the farmer was like a 3, so he was just happy he still got some action.

The group wanted to see his boots but he told them he didn’t want to show them because they were covered in poo, because he was a poo farmer.

The rogue in the party was peeking in the back window and saw the boots. He sneaked in and grabbed the boots for test them. Later the group noticed they were wiped clean even though the man said they were dirty.

Later they went to the bar to talk to Baduman. They wanted to see if he would reach for his dagger and decided to have a dagger tossing contest between him and Rod. Instead of reaching for his dagger he just grabbed one from his bar and they went outside and started tossing daggers.

No one was good, but finally Rod hit one and won the contest but was no closer to solving the mystery. After the contest they went inside to get the drink they earned. It turned out Baduman wasn’t a bad guy and actually mentioned Sybel and how they were running away together.

The group decided this was the best time to tell Baduman she was dead. He cried and was mad and blamed the husband. The group noticed Baduman was drinking a lot and decided to keep him drinking and took him home drunk.

Once in his house they searched the place. They found a box that seemed to house a dagger with a note. The note indicated that indeed a dagger was in the box and it was a gift from Baduman to his wife (Gizo) apologizing for the affair.

Of course, this is when the Gizo walked in and asked what 5 or so strangers were doing in her house. They began asking questions and learned that her and the Sybel’s husband had been having an affair. They asked about the dagger and she said he must have taken it when they were ‘peek-a-booing the bologna’ at her place.

They went back to the man’s house to find he left in a hurry and a not for Gizo stating he went to join the 5th Street Beats. While not the best gang, it was the one that took the most recruits.

There the party fought their way in, captured the husband and turned him over to Redgaurd.

Chapter 13, 14, 15 - The Saving of the Hatchlings
...and the fall of Sir Sir Valor

13 – Head Shoulders Knees and Toes

The adventurers entered a room which had lava pouring into pools of lava from the ceiling. The pools never seemed to fill up and as the group went farther into the room, creatures started to escape the lava and attack.

On the far side of the room was a giant door which was locked, of course. The group deciphered an inscription ‘Head Shoulders Knees and Toes, that’s the way the snake goes.’

The group found various large blocks that hard parts of different animals on them. Some of the party moved the snake blocks to the door while others bravely fought off the lava creatures.

Soon the party unlocked the door, opened it and was hit with an awful stench.

14 – The Yuan-Ti Sewers

As the group exited the large chamber they were hit with a smell that almost, well it did, take their breath away, and not in a good way. They were not in the Yuan-Ti sewers, and apparently snake people make some pretty awful smelling waste.

What’s worse than a sewer that smells so bad you almost pass out entering it? A sewer that has creatures living in there that want to take you for a swim.

The group encountered two smaller creatures that liked to descend from the ceiling and one giant creature that was able to grapple Chant and dunk into the water, knocking him unconscious.

Tayo leaped onto the creature, killed it and grabbed Chant before either of them went into the water (well Chant escaped a second bath). After that, the group came to a small room with holes in the ceiling. They could hear, children crying and adult Yuan-Ti talking.

Chapter 15 – Enter the Dragon

The group took what barrels and crates that were sturdy and used them to peek into the holes in the ceiling. They saw that the children were in a jail cell and their keepers were on the other side of the room sitting at a table.

Tayo casted a spell that made everything inside a space completely silent. Then they opened a the grate and started letting the children down. One of the guards noticed this and started yelling for help.

Orgost and Wendel exited the grates near the guards and began attacking. Orgost also set up a trap in the path into the room that would explode when a creature entered.

Soon, they heard a group of footsteps followed by one big pair coming down the hallway.

‘Well well well’ said the Dragon in a big booming voice. ‘Sir Sir Valor FINALLY decided to show his face’.

When he saw that Sir Sir Valor was not present with the group his face changed from smug to shock. Then his guards stepped on the rune Orgost had laid.


The Yuan-Ti guards were mostly killed, but the Green Dragon Wyrmling was far enough back to not be injured. He and what guards that were still alive used the newly blasted hole to cut off the adventure’s exit.

Wendel enchanted his arrows with lightning and starting shooting. Multiple strikes hit squarely on the dragon while his guards were affected by the sparks coming off the shots. It wasn’t long until the dragon lay on the floor gasping for air while the rest of his force laid in ruin.

When the party approached the dragon, his shape began to change and he turned into a long pale humonoid vague of any real detail. The party began to question him.

He said he did this to get his revenge on Sir Sir Valor, or Sir Valor, as he was called when he first heard of him.

He told them of a tale about how Sir Valor was in charge of stopping a zombie plague in the lands surrounding Catterick. The plague spread from city to city and his city was next. Before he knew about this the shapeshifter had taken on a human form and had married a woman he loved very much.

At the time of the plague, he had to leave on a business trip that was too dangerous for his wife to come and again was not aware of the plague. While gone Sir Valor decided it best to stop the plague by not giving it any victims and had the town killed before they turned into zombies and thus continued it’s spread.

It worked, though truth on how it was stopped was never revealed because his men took an oath and everyone was dead. The shapeshifter could not accept this and investigated, bribed, intimidated and fought for the answer until he learned the truth but no one would believe him.

Hearing this, the party actually seemed to feel a little bad and offered him the chance to live and come back and tell this tale in order to give Sir Sir Valor the punishment he deserved. The shapeshifter said he would never stop until he took his revenge himself and that no one would believe his story anyway. The party left him bleed out and took the children home through the secret passage.

Upon leaving the secret door to the Yuan-Ti it collapsed behind them, and their cloaks no longer seemed to turn them into Yuan-Ti.

The children returned to their homes, the town was happy and the group told Captain Redguard of Sir Sir Valor. Redguard told them that Valor left days ago, that they took a giant caravan, and left his old building in a hurry with a ‘black cloud’ overhead.

So the group took over Valor’s building, because it was much nicer than theirs. While the city put on a parade for the adventures, undead minions attacked with explosives and yelling ‘For Valor’.

Chapter 12.lunch: Indiana's Bridge
From the journal of Meravar

Roll Call: DM Justin, Orgöst, Rod, Tayo, Wen-Del, and Meravar Carter.

Picking up where we left off, we made our way farther into the crypt. Stale, still air gave way to a slight draft, earthy scents, and the telltale trickling of a stream. The tunnel’s hewn stone walls led us to a naturally-formed cavern with an enormous, shallow pool some 60 feet below the ground on which we stood. The chasm formed a barrier between us and the exit. Immediately in front of us stood an ominous-looking book atop a podium.

Orgöst detected no magic emanating from the book, so Rod read it.

You see no bridge, you think you’re stuck
Though mist will shroud and light will bend
To find the path, you will need much luck

Puzzling… It’s about this time that we heard skeleton clicking and clacking from a room to our right flank. Wen-Del snuck over but accidentally stepped on a barking spider. The Yuan-ti zombie and skeletons, alerted by Wen-del’s choice of protein, attacked.

During the skeleton-rousing, I uncovered a hidden bridge by throwing rocks into the void, after noticing irregular shadows cast by my lit torch.

Invisible Bridge

A few skeletons were shoved into the chasm, some other are pushed by Tayo’s magically-inclined gust of wind, and so on – ultimately all of the undeath is returned to rest. Rod and Tayo barely make it out alive, each sporting several arrows protruding from their backs.

Before departing the large cavern, Rod finds a magical scroll, which contains The Sting of the Yuan-ti weapon enchantment. Wen-Del calls dibs for his bow.

Chapter 11: Yuan-ti Horticultural Society
From the journal of Meravar

Roll Call: DM Justin, Orgöst, Elel, Wen-Del, Moon Moon, and Meravar Carter.

Safe in Sssaron’s cellar – that’s alliteration – we found a moment of respite. Sssaron divulged information to help us save the children from the evil dragon, Varzen. He spoke of a fern peddler in the city market called Ssspernicuss who knows of a secret tunnel.

After much deliberation, Moon Moon also settled on a snakey name, Slitherin.

After making our way to the market, we find a snake-headed Yuan-ti fitting the description of Ssspernicuss the fern merchant. I offered him 4 copper pieces for a 1 copper fern and information. He pulled us aside and said he’d reveal the secret tunnel’s secret location if we did something for him. Classic side quest. His request was for us to recover the Everlasting Fern, which he creepily covets, from the sacred garden.

With a bit of luck and guile, we were able to convince the guards that we were of the Yuan-ti Horticultural Society sent to spruce up the sacred garden. Get it? “Spruce?” A few well-placed ordinary ferns and extraordinary spells, and we escaped with the Everlasting Fern stowed away in my bedroll.

Old Ssspernicuss loved the fern. Before relinquishing the thirst-less thing, and my bedroll, I cut a snip of Everlasting Fern for myself. Hopefully that comes in handy. Ssspernicuss gave us a map with the secret tunnel’s location marked upon it, and told us that there are traps and other nasty things in the tunnels. And totally just laughed at us like a real creep.

Snip of Everlasting Fern

Next we returned to Sssaron’s cellar and learned of his rebels’ plans to attack the capital building while we sneak in the secret tunnel. Before departing I took a few wooden spears as potential trap triggers in the tunnel.

Then we found the tunnel, entered, and ransacked a retired King and Queen’s tombs for a few gems, emeralds, and jewels. The next room housed two large statues gazing upon a pile of silver. The treasure began speaking to me and Wen-Del, luring us towards its glittery goodness. The party attempted to stop us, but not before Wen-Del touched a silver piece. This of course set off a trap and brought the statues to life. The stone men nearly took Wen-Del’s and Elel’s life, but we took care of them in short order. We scored two gold for our efforts.

Finally, the next room also presented a trap. Teamwork, which as everyone knows makes the dream work, lead us to victory here. Someone pulled a lever which started filling the room with sand, and in concert, like a well-oiled golem, we each pulled a sconce to stop the sand and open a blocked pocket door.

Sand Trap

Short rest and end scene.

The Lunch Bunch: Chapter 2

-John, Chad, Josh
-go to guard barracks
-Fuzz delivers face punches to Oscar and Spatan who had artifact, finds out who stole the artifact (Chad)
Oscar and Spatan
-Chad talks desk clerk (Marta, total fox with mustache and unibrow) into letting Josh speak to Oscar and Spatan
-Josh lies to them that he’s their lawyer and finds out that they stole it for a lady in the Bonewood Woods
-the three adventurers go to woods

The Lunch Bunch: Chapter 1

There they were, perusing the stocks of the busy New Town Market Square. They: a druid (Micah), Melthaen Brightsinger the Bard (Justin), a hermit monk called Parrish Goodbody (Erin), a dwarven barbarian named Fuzz Bloodbeard, and a cleric (Josh).

Knowing little of one another, the day seemed to them an ordinary one. Little did they know that this day be riddled with the trappings of fate herself. Little did they know that this day would hold great significance and weave the stories of each individual into a great tale. The Tale of the Lunch Bunch.

In short, a couple of wizardly fellows burst into the scene fighting over a magical artifact called the Hellis Vitus. A fight broke out with the Lunch Bunch victorious, Spatan and Oscar apprehended by the town guard, and the Hellis Vitus in the cleric’s possession.

Chapter 10: Bag Full of Hatchlings
From the journal of Meravar

Roll Call: DM Justin, Orgöst, Elel, Wen-Del, and Meravar

You’ll have to forgive me; it’s been a week so the details may be a little loose. But one thing’s clear: this day was insane.

I remember waking up with a girl whose name I didn’t remember. Regina maybe. I strolled downstairs to find Elel, Hildo, Orgöst, and Wen-Del already eating breakfast. I made my way to the bar and sampled some of Hildo’s fine bacon. Hildo was going on about our cloaks and that Yuan Ti blessing book the guys found in a safe they stole. All I was trying to do was avoid eye contact with Rebecca as she stumbled down the stairs wrapped in only a sheet. Or maybe it was Renee.

Anyway, Hildo, none-too-pleased with our flippant regard for the Yuan Ti blessing book and the fact that we left it out over night, carried on. I think I heard Hildo talking like a snake at some point, but between seeing Rachel out, trying to piece together memories of last night, and dozing off a couple of times, I could be wrong.

With Rosemary gone and the blessing complete, it was time to try out our new and improved robes. I donned mine and was instantly transformed into a muscle-bound humanoid with the head of a giant, handsome snake. Orgöst, Elel, and Wen-Del tried theirs on and were transformed into humanoids with scaly features, green eyes, and clawed fingers. I was strangely into Elel’s transformation.

Meravar in Yuan Ti Cloak

Elel in Yuan Ti Cloak

That’s when Wilgold the guardsman, burst in the front door, yelling “trouble at the mines! Will you come!?” Adeptly spotting the perfect time to fuck with someone, I slowly turned my snake face towards him and hissed “yessssss.” Wilgold screamed and ran right back out.

We tried out our blessed cloaks again, but found that the trial period was over and innately understood that they’d only work in particular locations. We also understood that the cloaks would shield us from poison.

Conditioned to adventuring with Rod and Tayo, who appreciate their steeds and the dramatic affect they have, I hopped on Dirk. My companions did not bring their horses.

Upon reaching the entrance to the mines, we were greeted by hundreds of zombies and their putrid stench. The four of us immediately got to work slaying zombies. After lobbing an Eldritch Blast that laid 14 zombies to rest, I waded into the melee to sate my blade’s thirst for blood. My Hildo bacon-fueled rage shielded me from the pain of several zombie claws.

Once the zombies were dispatched, a huge red dragon and a ridiculously large contingent of yuan ti emerged from the entrance to the mines. The dragon tossed a sack full of children our way and told us to “bring ”/characters/sir-sir-valor" class=“wiki-content-link”>Valor or the hatchlings die." Having no qualms about possibly luring Sir Valor to his demise, I told the dragon we’d fetch him and be back.

And yes, he only gets one “Sir.”

Upon reaching Valor’s place, we’re greeted by two prick guards who don’t care about the fate of Catterick children. It’s at this point that we tried just about every trick we had to get into the building and talk to Valor. Orgöst used his Pipes of Haunting to frighten the guards, cast Darkness, then whispered something frightening into their ears. One guard fled, while the other we tied up. I then climbed up our Rope of Climbing to a window and spotted some of Valor’s adventuring partners. They too declined to help the innocents of Catterick. Interestingly, they also had a different story as to Valor’s whereabouts than the guards – the guards said he was busy in his office while his comrades said he was out of town. We’ll have to look into that… Then Valor’s wizard magically closed the window on my fingers.

Continuing with our litany of gimmicks, Elel created an illusory voice of Valor trying to convince the guard to help us. That didn’t work. By this time, we had garnered the attention of the rest of Valor’s guards, including a big-headed half-orc with a huge warhammer I’m calling Biff. Time to run…

We all hopped on Dirk, and Elel cast Vicious Mockery on Biff. The guards gave chase and we led them right to the mines, and more importantly, the dragon. Not happy that we didn’t have Valor, the dragon coughed up a fireball at Biff, leaving only two shins, two arms, and a spinning warhammer. “You have five days or the hatchlings will be sacrificed to the snake god” hissed the dragon.

After the dragon and his snake-like friends made their way back into the mines, Redger popped out and told us to go save the children and earn some serious praise from the town. Sounds good, Redger. Redger did not know Valor’s whereabouts either.

We made our way into the mines and threw on our cloaks, happy to find they worked in here. They even allowed us safe passage by some khaki-colored, living ooze. upon arriving at the magically-sealed door, we placed our three artifacts into the recesses around the perimeter to unlock it. Gas began pouring from the door, which luckily didn’t effect us due to our cloaks.

Time to see what’s behind the door. We walked through, and found ourselves in a desert, and behind us, just a door. Crazy.

Door to Desert

After following the obvious passage of the dragon and a large group of yuan ti for a bit, we stumbled across some ruins and some destitute yuan ti outcasts. Elel flashed a scaly breast (the right one) at a few of them to brighten their spirits. And after giving them a gold coin and having some brief conversations with the yuan ti beggars, we learned a few things. First, the dragon’s name is Varzen the Great and he’s in the great temple within the city Thrysssen. Also, we learned that these destitute yuan ti (mostly comprised of the humanoid, scaly yuan ti, who are considered the lowest class) were banished from the city for speaking ill of Varzen. They we shunned after a revolt was started in response to the unfair punishment of the humanoid yuan ti.

The gentlesnake we spoke with turned out to be Sssaron, who started the revolt. While most of these yuan ti look alike to us, Sssaron has a distinguishing white spot on his face and is missing a few fingers. Sssaron used to be a guard an agreed to help us get to his former post within the city. Elel applied a masterful disguise to Sssaron to help him conceal his identity.

We also coined a yuan ti expression we’re hoping catches on, “don’t molt it.”

Upon arriving to Thrysssen, the guards asked our names. We lied that we are part of Varzen’s army and gave them false names. I’m now Sssam, Elel is Sssarah, Wen-Del is Sssylys, Orgöst is Ssstanley, and Sssaron is Sssorn. The guards bought it and we were able to get to Sssaron’s post, and into its cellar filled with armaments.

Half a day down, four and a half until the kids are killed.

Chapter 9.1: Interlude

Part A.

I wanted to do a little background to what’s been happening in Catterick since your adventures.

The Endless Ale house (your bar for those who don’t know) has been doing very well. There might have been a few bad days, but with the treasure you’ve found you’ve been able to make it the best bar in Old Town. It has been called ‘The Jewel of Old Town’ by some. Everyone loves drinking and eating with their favorite heroes.

The bar’s success has resulted in you buying much more bread from the baker (Gyles) you contract from. His storefront has also seen additional foot traffic because of the reviews of the bread from customers at The Endless Alehouse. You learn that his wife has died many moons ago and that this new business has afforded Gyles to treat his only child, Ewis, to some of the pleasures of life. Such things as warm meals, a decent place to sleep, and Gyles was finally able to patch the leak in his roof.

The mines are still a battle ground with Yuan-Ti, who now boldly showing themselves and creating some pretty big battles. Captain Redger has been leading this battle from the mine and has had little time to go back to his office or meet with any of the adventuring party groups. He has been sending dispatches to check in with your group to check on the progress. He’s happy to see that you have all the pieces and are on the verge of getting the blessing so that you can enter the door and fight back this evil from the inside.

Part B.

This morning one of you early birds found another note from Hildo.

I see you found the book. I have something to do, but I’ll be back in a couple of days to do the blessing.

Have a magical day,
- Hildo

Part C.

Report from the front:

There was a big push from the Yuan-Ti 2 days ago but they were driven back and seemed to have retreated. There have been a few sightings here and there but no sign of an army. Yesterday most of the guard was reassigned outside of the city to take care of the brutal attacks from the orcs.

While it seems like the Yuan-Ti have been pushed back, Captain Redger still wants you to explore the mysterious door and what lies beyond. He is not sure what kind of danger lurks on the other side but reassures you the reward will be well worth it.

Enclosed is also a Greater Healing Potion (4d4 +4 healing)

Chapter 9: Class of 205

to be written

Chapter 8: Rock and gnoll all night, party every day...
From the journal of Elel

Roll Call: DM Justin, Elel, Tayo, Orgöst, Moon Moon, and Tielliana

What I thought was going to be a routine hunt through the woods today turned out to be quite the pivotal venture. Ben (my rat) and I were in hot pursuit of our next meal – a swift and agile wild boar with one lone testis – when I noticed the marking of my old friend Hildo Haggins carved into a tree. I stopped to inspect and, much to Ben’s frustration, we lost track of the nearly-barren swine. Taking a closer look I was positive the signature was authentic, and simultaneous waves of relief and joy poured over me for I thought my old friend was for sure dead by orc hand.

I looked around in search of any other evidence of Hildo’s presence and found the same marking not but a few trees away. My excitement grew as I found another and another, and soon Ben and I found ourselves running through the Bonewood Woods yet again, this time in pursuit of a fellow Haggerty Hag.

Nearly three miles later, my spirit and legs growing more tired with each step, my rat and I approached a semi-circle of very tall impeding rocks. Night had fallen by this point and the warm light of a bonfire shone through the cracks. The sweet smell of bacon and the sound of laughter and talking arose from the lit area behind the great stones. As I creeped closer undetected, Ben decided his hunger was more important than our safety and made quite the ruckus as he leapt from my shoulder onto the brush below. I tried in vain to stop the rodent, causing even more noise. Alas, we were discovered.

“Who goes there?” a voice shouted.

I slowly emerged from behind the rocks. There were five figures standing about, backlit by the roaring fire. I squinted at the nearest one – a short, stout silhouette that I would recognize anywhere. Before I could utter a word, I was greeted with a strong, rank embrace.

“Elel! Is it you?”

“Hildo! You’re alive!” I exclaimed. “I thought for sure you were dead.”

“And I, you,” he replied. “How were you able to escape the orcs?”

I explained to Hildo how I evaded the vengeful orcs by hiding inside the carcass of one of their own. He responded with uproarious laughter and welcomed me further into the stone circle. I was introduced to a majority of the members that make up the guild of Infinity Solutions: Tayo, Orgöst, Moon Moon, and Tielliana. Perhaps it was the ale they were consuming at alarming speeds, but they seemed a warm and lovely bunch. I was particularly taken aback when they immediately offered me an internship. I graciously accepted and we celebrated into the night with endless servings of fresh bacon and the best imp porn in town.

It soon began to rain so Tayo cast a spell to keep us all dry and warm under a large dome. We were slowly making our way into bed when a cry was heard from far in the distance. Initially, it was a general agreement to let this pass into the night as everyone was weary from travel and merriment. Since I am only in need of four hours of sleep, I volunteered to go check it out. Orgöst, the gentleman that he is, refused to let me go alone, and before we knew it, all of Infinity Solutions was making there way back out into the rain. Hildo, never happier, was left alone with the left-over bacon bits and porn.

We followed the unrelenting cries through the dark – with the help of Moon Moon who had transformed into a wolf – for what seemed hours before discovering the source. A dwarf was tied up and about to be sacrificed into a white-hot fire. He was surrounded by a group of angry-looking gnolls and two giant, even angrier-looking hornets that were attached to poles by skin leashes. We wasted no time and began our attack.

Tielliana began to sing a beautifully frightening song and the gnolls started to flee in terror. I saw this as the perfect opportunity to cast a Sleet Storm spell. Ice swiftly covered the ground below the gnolls’ feet. They slipped and fell in their useless efforts to run. As Moon Moon began to chew through the skin leashes attached to the oversized hornets, Orgöst attacked with airborne daggers and Tayo fought bravely in the front lines, ensuring the others were safe.

It didn’t take long for us to finish off the gnolls, and we quickly freed the screaming dwarf. While thankful for our heroism, the dwarf was fast to attempt to leave our presence. We stopped him, demanding some sort of explanation for the predicament we just rescued him from. The dwarf scratched his head. He couldn’t remember anything – his memory was erased. Orgöst inquired about the dwarf’s name but even that information was also forgotten.

There was one bit of information that the dwarf could provide and it was that the black, tattered book he carried with him was evil and forbidden. He became very stubborn as he refused to hand it over to us. Infinity Solutions matched his stubbornness and refused to let him leave. We began the long trek back to Hildo and our magical dome with our new “friend” in tow. Answers shall be found…



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